I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
