i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
