I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
