i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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