I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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