so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
