There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
