so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
