I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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