So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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