She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
