yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
