so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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