VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
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when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
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I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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