That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
