that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
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Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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