OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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