C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
