The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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