and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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