The maid of honor just puked.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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