pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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