i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
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He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
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I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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