i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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