By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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