I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
if only i could text you this smell
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
