It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
