Are we in a gay sports bar?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
