also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
