She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
high people should be assigned attendants
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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