Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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