I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
