I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
