He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
