I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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