Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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