4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
