i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
