if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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