when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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