I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
