like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
