you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
