You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
