So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
