Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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