I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
