I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
