either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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