Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
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