Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
