you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
