I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
