OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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