also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
