he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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