kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
