By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Ketchup is God's man juice
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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