can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
