Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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