she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
In other news, I just burned my penis
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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