Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
