Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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