can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
