ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
