So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
