just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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