Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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