You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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