Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
