I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
